I try not to judge a book by its title, since many titles are similar, especially those on death. Beyond the title, I make sure to study the table of contents. What piqued my interest about “Last Acts of Kindness-Lessons For The Living From The Bedside of the Dying,” by RN and death doula Judith Redwing Keyssar, was how the table of contents is organized into four main parts. The first three are stories of people who died in hospital settings, residential care facilities, and at home; the last is, planning for the inevitable. All of which had my curiosity turned up.
A key lesson from the book for me, is the importance of advocating for myself and family members, regardless of where death takes place, and to always stay humble, curious and flexible in the process. Dying in a hospital, a residential care facility or at home can, naturally, be difficult, yet also quite beautiful. How the care team, patients, and their families accept the dying process is crucial to a peaceful closure. Even though home deaths can be ideal, I found comfort in the stories about peaceful hospital deaths where nurses, like the author, understand the medical and emotional needs of the dying. Also, reading about heart-felt friendships that developed between perfect strangers, dying in residential care facilities, illuminated the beauty of how love can be shared anywhere, anytime.
Throughout this book, “Redwing” demonstrates death midwifery at its best. The importance of having cultural competency, and listening from a place of humility and authenticity are masterfully illustrated. Quotes I enjoyed: “The importance of listening cannot be overstated. Spending time getting to know a dying patient’s cultural history and beliefs is as important as understanding their medical history.” “We must encourage the understanding that the last breaths are as holy as the first ones and it’s an honor to witness them, not a curse.” “It is time to reflect on the depth of creation and the profound meaning of impermanence.”
A meditation on impermanence was certainly my experience reading this book. To fully live is to fully accept impermanence.
Being in two end-of-life book clubs, I am impressed when I find a book that is truly book club worthy. This book is a great choice, not only because of the author’s wisdom and insights, but also because of the wonderful “List of Questions,” and “Ideas to Consider” found at the beginnings of Part One and Two. You’ll find yourself saying “Oh, that’s a good idea, I hadn’t thought of that!” The glossary of terms and websites listed at the end is a great resource, too. You can find this book in the Lake County Library system, or purchase it in stores or online. Check out the author’s website https://redwingkeyssar.com for more wonderful resources.
Until the book ends,
Esther Suarez
Hospice Services of Lake County Volunteer