“Grief changes the rules of the game, rules that you thought you knew and had been using until this point.”
According to the author, “rules” related to grief are about being open to new experiences, because grief is essentially about learning something new that you never fathomed you would be trying to learn, or even desired to learn.
In this trailblazing scientific journey into exactly how the brain processes grief, neuroscientist and psychologist Mary-Frances O’Conner, PhD, invites the reader to look at grief from the perspective of how the brain is designed for learning even in the face of painful loss. The wiring of neural pathways to develop attachment/love becomes neurologically ingrained over time. When someone experiences loss, a rewiring process slowly begins. Understanding the neurology of loss can be very helpful in feeling that one is not going crazy when waves of intense grief come on. The brain processes loss in the virtual map where a loved one resided. This challenges the brain to adapt to the new time and space that the loved used to inhabit. Among numerous documented studies of what the brain does to process grief, O’Conner explains acute and/or complicated grief disorder, what resilience and restoration is in reference to grief, and many more fascinating studies and insights on the topic. I found this book to be a great indirect “therapy session” with this wise psychologist.
I recommend anyone who is currently experiencing grief to read “The Grieving Brain,” because learning the deep lessons of grief helps us re-integrate and heal the mind/body connection. Grief is real and stressful. Learning to understand it and restore oneself is well worth the challenge. For more information on Dr. O’Conners work, see her website https://maryfrancesoconnor.org/about and her TedTalk “How do our brains handle grief?” She also gives interviews on Youtube. Check out her book through the Lake County Library system, or purchase your own copy.
Until the book ends,
Esther Suarez
Hospice Services of Lake County Volunteer